Tag: love

This is who I call for when I call for my mum

When I call for my mum

While George Floyd was being killed, he called for his mum.

I can’t move
Mama
Mama

His mum had passed away two years prior to this moment yet, at the forefront of his memory as he understands he could die, he calls for her. He is not delirious, dumb or silly. He knew what he was doing and why.

In that moment, he simply wanted his mum.

When I call for my mum, I call for the woman who stayed with me for 100 days while I was in an incubator in the early days of my life.

When I call for my mum, I call for the woman who would go to work in the early hours of the morning, come back late, and still want to know what my day was like in school.

When I call for my mum, I call for the woman who wanted the best for her children every day and tried to make sure it happened.

When I call for my mum, I call for the woman who wishes she could take my chronic pain and hold it herself just to make sure that I’m comfortable.

When I call for my mum, I find myself calling for warmth, love, and fantastic jollof rice with plantain (mum, if you’re reading this – please and thank you).

I’m lucky to have wonderful women in my life who are still here to experience its ups and downs with me. For that, I will be thankful.

I am lucky I am able to be thankful because my life wasn’t slowly squeezed out of my body at the hands of someone who was meant to protect me.

In the midst of these protests, this anger, this injustice, let us remember that the community we are fortunate to have, will often carry us through adversity. Sometimes how we approach adversity will change the world. Other times, it’ll change our small knit community. Maybe it’ll even just change one mind.

Often, the smallest changes that are made consistently over time will be the most impactful ones. Attitudes, thoughts and feelings will change. To help the world finally understand what it means for a black life to matter.

Gianna Floyd now says “Daddy changed the world!”

Indeed he has, Gianna. He will continue to do so.

For me, my world has been strongly influenced by my mum, my grandmother and aunts. For my dad, I know his world has been influenced by his mum.

In these times, I think of all of the black men and women who have been unjustly killed as a result of systematic racism. How many of them thought of their mum’s in their last moments?

Perhaps, when the world cries for its mum, it cries for love and warmth too. Or even the anger that only mothers seem to have when their child is hurt.

That is who I call for, when I call for my mum.

Resist Apathy and Cynicism

The problem of apathy has been on my mind for years. Especially during the times when I don’t care about anything including myself.

The almost chronic absence of care towards others, events in the world and yourself – apathy. But it often does not dance alone. Its partner – cynicism – usually takes the lead.

It’s a state that we’ve all experienced at one point or another for varying lengths of time and during the longer stretches of time where apathy was at its strongest, I started to think more about just how damaging it can be for how we view the world, other people and ourselves.

Maria Popova puts it well. Apathy is a “symptom of resignation” and cynicism is a convincing self-protection mechanism against it.

The problem with cynicism is its ability to convince us of truth where none is to be found. “oh the world is complete shit”, “it’s never going to work out anyway” “There’s no point in trying”. Tired phrases yet we’re enticed to believe them because we no longer have to try or care if they are true. Of caring. We no longer have to spend energy on finding the good or changing the world for the better because our efforts will be futile.

Cynicism becomes tempting when we surround ourselves with negativity and as a result “prove” to ourselves that the world is shit and can never get better. It becomes believable because it is based on something even if that is a very skewed and narrow perception of the world. Often, if we lose ourselves in the news without the understanding that negative news sells better than the positive, we mistake it as the only way to view the world and other people. From this we utter misguided statements like “being positive is presenting a false perspective of the world” when it could be making it more balanced. It would be a grave mistake to assume that the only facts in the world are presented in newspapers and 24 hour news cycles.

However, this mustn’t be mistaken as a plea for blind optimism. Such mindsets can be as harmful as blind pessimism as hope for a good world without any critical eye is naïve. This is a reminder that examining the world honestly does not mean we should examine the world negatively. It is very possible to be rationally optimistic about the world or at least not assume everything is so bad that there’s no point in caring about it.

We shouldn’t fall into the trap of normalising the bad because we assume that’s all there is then convince ourselves to stop caring. This becomes particularly pronounced in the world we live in at the moment. Western politics seems to be growing more divisive at the front line of things and also within personal discussions. It creates barriers (figurative ones, President Trump) and these needn’t be strengthened by the simple fact that they’re allowed to stand in the first place.

We can afford to care. We can afford to be optimistic when the facts allow it. We can afford to ensure that bad doesn’t prevail over good by allowing the bad to become normal.

It’s unhelpful to think that we’re powerless for that does not grant enough credit to the good that we can do to each other and on smaller scales. We we allow for good acts to become a habit rather than the rare accomplishment, they can also become as common as we say please and thank you.

It requires we keep people other than ourselves in mind. Whether it’s as simple as not interrupting the other person or buying them a coffee for no reason other than you want to, you can do good for others in way that’s appreciated greatly.

It’s something I’ve tried to include more in my personal days and I believe it has paid off. Not because I’m waiting for a special thanks at the end of the year. It’s a valuable habit that fights and actively resists against the prey of cynicism, apathy and hate.

These do not need to fill my day. Nor do I need to drag others down. For I want others to care. To appreciate the world and the helpful people in it. It helps keep us away from darkness and cold. We move closer to warmth, appreciation for the small and a desire to change things on a bigger scale.

To end, I quote Maria Popova directly:

Yes, people sometimes do horrible things, and we can speculate about why they do them until we run out of words and sanity. But evil only prevails when we mistake it for the norm. There is so much goodness in the world — all we have to do is remind one another of it, show up for it, and refuse to leave.

As always, thanks for reading :)

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