So you’ve stumbled upon this post in the hopes of becoming a famous philosopher. I’ll teach you how to reach that goal.
If you don’t want to become a famous philosopher then carry on reading anyway. You’re here, so why not. You should because the philosopher God says so and he exists because he says he does. Now we have that logical correction out of the way, we’ll continue.
Things you’ll need to improve your chances:
- Notable facial hair (e.g. moustache, eyebrows)
- A beard is even better
- Good arguments (less important)
Ok, let’s begin. If you want to be a famous philosopher, you just need to follow some steps. None of which are too difficult. Just follow the examples of others!
Neitzsche’s father died before he was ten and his brother died at the age of two
Sartre suffered the same fate too
Before he could talk, he had to say to his father ‘adieu’
Pascal’s father died when was seven
Hegel’s mother died when he was eleven
But at least they could change your world view
Here’s a new philosopher in the mix
Spinoza’s mother died when he was six
And his big book called Ethics was a bag of confusing tricks
This poem has no regular rhyme scheme
But J S Mill must have wanted to scream!
He went through severe depression due to an unhealthy obsession
from the father who wanted Mill to continue his greatest passion
Instead of living the philosopher’s dream
But here’s something that isn’t out of fashion
Erasmus’ parents died when he was seventeen
Good thing Nozick hadn’t created the ultimate utility machine
Bertrand Russell was an Earl
But Wittgenstein gave away his right to a servant girl
Kierkegaard was wealthy
But his siblings were very unhealthy
This is all very sad
But surely it can’t be all bad?
What about Rousseau, Descartes and Hume ?
Descartes was friends with the evil demon of doom
Rousseau lost his mother when he was only 9 days out of the womb
At two, David Hume saw his dad enter the tomb
If you don’t have all of this on your side
But still want to become a philosopher full of pride
There’s one thing they all had in common without fail
They are all white, dead middle-aged males!
***
I’m not trying to become a poet laureate. I just read too much about philosophers. If you really want to become a famous philosopher, ask Plato.
Improving Slowly 